Feminism - Needs a make over

We need to make Feminism cool again!

A recent Huff post debate between Brogan Driscoll and Lucy Sherriff entitled Is Feminism Irrelevant For Women In Their Twenties? has been playing on my mind, a lot. 

Lucy Sherif opens her argument by stating that;

"As much as I hate to admit, this is still a man's world. But I don't think feminism is going to change it. Mention the f-word to many men, and indeed a fair few females, and watch their eyes roll. It's no longer a dirty word, it's the punchline of a joke."

As much as I hate to admit, on the second part regarding the main-stream trivialisation of feminism she has a point. However, my heart breaks at her fatalist opening statement;

"I don't think feminism is going to change it" 

Feminism used to be cool

She is - ironically sitting there a professional writer, educated, independent, paid (hopefully) the same as her male peers, with access to contraception, able to vote, own property, entitled to her inheritance and by law to equal opportunities in most area's of life. However, Lucy seems unable to connect the dots that feminism already 'has' changed it for her, for the better, women who came before did that for us, and now it it's our turn.

My retort to Lucy is a Kennedy-esq;

"Ask not what Feminism can do for you  - but ask what you Lucy Sherrif are doing for Feminism!" 

.......But I digress. 


Lucy continues on the same vein, 

"I don't like being called a feminist. I'm a woman. That's it. Just because I believe women should be equal doesn't mean I want to pick up a placard and protest. In fact, I'm not alone. I hadn't ever considered whether I was or wasn't a feminist until an English Literature lecture in my second year of university My (female, feminist) lecturer asked the 200-strong, mostly-female audience to raise their hands if they considered themselves a feminist. Two people did: the lecturer, and the annoying in-your-face feminist student."  

[*note her descriptions of both feminism and feminist student]

Why didn't Lucy and the other 198(?!) women in her class of presumably bright, educated young women raise their hands?  

Recently at a party I met and was chatting to an amazing bright and progressive minded young woman who was making valid and impassioned points about sexism in western medicine, feminists points in fact. 


However, when closing she eloquently underscored her points by saying; "Of course I don't want to come across like a feminist, because I'm not a feminist"

This statement shocked me.


Why didn't she feel she could say with confidence "Yes, I'm a feminist" and feel proud of that'?

Tracey Emin

I analysed this and rationalised that maybe as we'd just met she didn't want to frighten me in some way, not knowing my own view on feminism yet. 

Did she possibly feel she had to soften her impassioned views in case it came across as to aggressive?.....But what does that say?

Maybe she doesn't feel she can say 'I'm a feminist' with pride or maybe she genuinely doesn't feel she is a feminist, even whilst voicing highly feminist views. It was likely a fear of being instantly presumed militant. 

Is that why modern women are ashamed to be labelled feminists? 

Ryan Gosling the new face of feminism?

Movie star Ryan Gosling doesn't seem to mind on becoming a feminist icon. Due to when he spoke about why Blue Valentine was receiving a harsh rating because of a scene where he performs oral sex on Michelle Williams. 

He pointed out that when a woman performs oral sex on a man in a movie, the ratings board deems that R-worthy, but if the genders are reversed, the rating is stricter.

“ ‘Black Swan’ has an oral scene between two women, and that’s an R rating,” he told the World Entertainment News Network, “but ours is between a husband and his wife, and that’s NC-17?" 



To me this is a great example of what being a feminist means - thinking about equality, how it's treated in our society, questioning things and asking - is that fair?

Unfortunately, I see feminist bashing going on all the time on forums, blog comments and in social media from both men and women, especially as I've been supporting the recent campaigns No More Page 3 and the Everyday Sexism project.  The misconceptions about what being a feminist means astonish me, as does the bile and hatred directed towards feminism.

If ever anyone wants evidence that sexism is still rife, therefore making feminism still very relevant, then read some of the comments left on the No More Page 3 facebook page.

Equally, I am constantly amazed by the hate filled comments that any moderate article about female equality unearth on

Huff post and Guardian. What's interesting is that the anger doesn't come from 'angry feminists' at all. It actually comes from angry non-feminist men and some women

Why are mainstream men and women so angry about feminism?

Why do they feel it threatens them so much?

Subverting stereotypes Asma Gull Hasa

And are such factors are at play in why young women automatically believe feminism is it's a bad thing?

I remember as a adolescent asking an older man what a feminist was and being told;
"Angry, short haired, bra burning, comfortable shoe wearing women, who complain a lot and no-body fancies" he chuckled. 

Ashley Judd

This image is still propagated and feminism needs to break away from it.

We need to create a more diverse and visible modern face of feminism. Whilst individual efforts are being made, they're not really mainstream ready yet. 

I'm more of the Caitlin Moran style feminist myself, happy to stand on a chair and shout;
"I'm a strident feminist"... in my stiletto's of course.

However, this often seems to shock people both men and women.
Again I ponder why this is, why are they so shocked I mean, I'm an opinionated, hard-working, intelligent, modern woman.....Erm...does a bear shit in the woods! 

Of course I'm going to be a feminist!! 

But when I state that openly and shamelessly with a smile, people will remark agog;

Bill Bailey 

"oh lord, you're not really are you?"

Maybe it's because I don't look and sound like the old stereotype of  'a feminist', but what does that mean?

People still want to desperately reinforce that stereotype. As soon as I say I'm feminist people like to jump on me to prove that I can't possibly be.

"No you're not" they will declare in loud voices.....
"You wear make-up, and pretty dresses you can't be a feminist".

Men often like to comment on things such as "You read Grazia, isn't that totally against the feminist agenda you hpycropite!"

Now which feminist agenda might that be exactly?

Maybe that's part of the problem and were the confusion lies, there's no single feminist manifesto, maybe as part of the feminist makeover we should forge one.

Simple enough agenda

I mix in pretty liberal circles, however I'm yet to meet a man who would openly declare himself a feminist either. Why is this? 

Of course the feminist movement hasn't helped itself either over the last two decades and petty, hair splitting and in-fighting is still rife. Whilst I don't think just because I'm a woman I should automatically agree with all other women on all subjects.

Issues like the who's a 'real' feminist and a 'life style' or 'lipstick' feminist still rage on. As does the 'stay at home verses working Mum' debate encouraged in the mainstream media that tirelessly pitches one camp of women against the other, these only serve to fuel the anti-feminist lobby. 

Let's stop taking the bait ladies, both are fine life choices, neither is right or wrong, let's stop wasting our time auguring with each other about the minutia and focus our energies on the greater good.....

Making feminism cool and relevant so that our nieces, daughter's and twenty-something women at large once again aspire to be Feminists.

Barack Obama - pretty famous feminist

I started thinking back to what I thought of feminism when I was in my twenties.

Poisoned by the toxic misogynistic, hip-hop, lads-mags pop-culture of the 90's, I am ashamed to say I can remember, actually sitting in a feminist theory lecture, rolling my eyes and day dreaming about whether I should get a boob job or shave off all my pubic hair. I'd been led to believe that everything was already equal and sorted and wearing a sparkly thong alone mean't I was liberated women in control of her life????!!!!

Unfortunately, for us unenlightened in youth much of your twenties revolved around getting blokes and the message society sends, certainly in the 90's was boys don't like feminists. 

We were led by popular culture to believe feminist are aggressive, unattractive and troublesome and that men don't want that. Instead, what men want is a passive, dolly bird, porn stars who'll let them shag them up the bum. Has much changed today, I wonder? 

Even feminist writer Natasha Walter made this mistake in the 90's stating;

"I once believed that we only had to put in place the conditions for equality for the remnants of old-fashioned sexism in our culture to wither away. I am ready to admit that I was wrong.'

She explores this further in her excellent book Living Dolls - The return of Sexism  - which is in many ways a rebuttle of her own theories in the book The New Feminsm from 1998. In Living Dolls, Walter insightfully explores the impact that legacy has had on our current hyper-sexualised, disempowering culture. 

Like Lucy, in my 20's I didn't see the relevance of feminism or the feminist theory I'd been taught. However it's relevance has played out significantly in practice in my real life.

It wasn't until I got out into the world and tried to forge my own way that I started getting my head around the practical aspects of feminism and how important it was to my everyday life.

Gradually, through real life experience - having been sexually harassed by my male boss in my first job. Then through the years suffering some kind of gender discrimination in every subsequent job, even when changing industries and rising to senior management. 

I've had 20 year old new employees tell me ipso facto on their first day that they were 'alpha males' and shouldn't have to report to a woman, to board members asking me if I was the tea lady just as I was about to start presenting. I've had random strangers on the bus opine that "There's no point in educating women as they 'just have babies', and had to suffer taxi drivers rant how women shouldn't be allowed behind the wheel, whilst simultaneously driving the wrong way up a one way street.

Having to put up with regular groping, name calling and threatening behaviour just by walking down the street, on the tube or in a bar. Always having to work harder, be better, not get emotional, prove myself more than male peers and suffering the disadvantage of not having the golf/football/rugby/ lap dancing club chat as a networking aid.

And now as I face the fact that having a family means I will slip behind my male peers in both future promtions and earnings with each child I have. Whilst feeling like a failure should I need to return to work or choose to be a stay at home Mum. Worried I  won't achieve super-yummy-loose-all-the-baby-weight-launch-my-own-cup-cake-business-Mummy status. 

Whilst, wondering why all girls toys are pink princesses and boys are all blue superhero's and why Rihanna is happy to be such a victim and simulate sex in every music video. 

Feminism suddenly seems to REALLY matter.

Unravelling social constructs and reconciling all the contradictions of what 'being a woman in the modern world means' has often been a confusing journey and still is daily. However,  I'm in a much more comfortable place with myself and my own feminism than I was in my twenties.

In fact there's lots I didn't care about in twenties that is very important to me now. 
For example I didn't give a shite about red wine in my twenties either, Malbec or Rojas who cared, shocking bright red and blue Bacardi breezer's was the drink of the day, the thought of which now makes me want to vom. I acquired a taste for red wine over many years during my late twenties and thirties.

So maybe all is not lost for Lucy Sherriff and her ilk -  maybe Feminism is like red wine the appreciation of which only comes to you in time and with life experience.

No More Page 3 - 2012

So, I'm supporting Lucy-Ann Holmes's campaign No More Page 3, to stop half naked women being shown on the third page of one of the UK's biggest national news papers. 

I can't believe; 

a) that it is the year 2012 and in UK a concept like Page 3 still exists 

b) people are still not only defending Page 3's existence, but actually arguing in favour of it! 

SHOCK - I feel like I've been teleported back to some parallel 1970's universe without the aid of hallucinogenic drugs. 

I kind of figured that everyone had just forgotten that page 3 was so obviously wrong in a modern society and once it was pointed out again everyone would go on mass;

 'Opps - shit, sorry yes we all forgot about page 3 - yes let's get rid of it asap'. 

No it seems you have to get a petition together to try to get anybody in government or the media to even take the request seriously!!

What's more by supporting Lucy's campaign on Facebook and in the press, I've been observing the furious responses and comments the campaign has generated. They've really surprised me, here's a summary of arguments against No More Page 3. 

#1 - If you don't like it, don't buy it! 

How does this argument make any sense? 

It's so pathetically simplistic to say that by not buying a copy of The Sun it will stop me from seeing it or being affected by it's existence. I don't buy arm's on the Iranian black market in either, but that doesn't stop me living in a world being impacted by the scary people who do. 

I have in fact NEVER bought The Sun, so by that logic explain to me how dear sirs, I have been exposed to it since I was a child, and still see it everyday as an adult, on the train or left on canteen tables? I see that as being forced to look at it by you, the people who do buy The Sun! Which is akin to forcing a vegetarian to eat a pork scratching! 

A primary teacher of twenty years recalled to me how they would ask children to bring in old newspapers to cover tables when the children were painting. Of course she'd have to go around and remove all the Page 3 pages, or as the 8 year olds kids apparently called it "The tits page, Miss". 

In some households the only paper they will have is The Sun and kids don't buy news papers, but they still see it, so how does the 'don't buy it' argument apply to children?

I also remember trying to explain the concept of page 3 to my Scandinavian husband, he was disgusted that such a thing could still exists in a modern society - in a national news paper - in the 21st Century. 

His immediate comment was "So children in the UK see it everyday? It made me ashamed that we as a nation don't do more protect our children.

#2 - Stopping Page 3 is against freedom of speech

There are many other countries in the world with long esbatilshed infrastructures and laws championing freedom of speech, but they just don't see fit to have semi-naked women on the third page of their national daily news papers. The rest of Europe in fact, and the USA who pride freedom of speech as a founding constitutional pillar of their society, they don't have page 3.

I mean clam down boys, no-one is saying you can't ever look at boobs again in a print medium!

The campaign is just saying Page 3 has no place in a national daily news paper in a supposedly modern and progressive society. 

I've noticed there seems a certain type of man who uses this argument and who is outraged by the suggestion of getting rid of page 3. He gets incredibly protective over his divine right to access porn (an issue worth more examination in itself). 

The cretinous Liam Mullone who would likely sell his grandma for a cheap gag is of this ilk, stating in his Huff post blog  about No More Page 3. 

"Plumbers have a right to their stiffies, and Danni has a right to supply them.

Therefore, he views any smight against page 3 as the first nail in the coffin towards potentially restricting his human right, as he see's it, as a 'red blooded male' to view porn. 

His definition of freedom of speech, means defending his right to pop into the corner shop and get the latest copy of 'Fisting Weekly', neatly positioned next to the 10p mixes and the cola cubes. 

#3 -  There are worse things going on in the world - get a life or support 'real' eqaulity issues.


In the same article Liam Mullon also sites #3 as his key closing argument. 

" I mean, for fuck's sake, we live in a world where women get TRAFFICKED for sex, in their thousands. Which is one of a million things more worthy of anger than this exhausted white-collar flannel about Page Three." 

Again a juvenile, over simplistic argument. I don't get how people can even make that argument in the case of No More Page 3 and not apply it to every second news story as well. 

There are awful things going on in the word everyday, many of which have campaigns. 

Just because I support one thing, it doesn't follow that I automatically don't support other seemingly 'bigger' issues. 

Besides, I don't actually think Page 3 is a small issue anyway, as it's relative to one's context and beliefs. 

For example, Premiership footballers wage packets is a small issue the way I see it. However, I can't expect the majority of the football supporting public to hold the same view. Many people feel very strongly about this issue which is why they debate it in the media, on forums and on facebook.  

So how does the "There are worse things going on in the world - get a life or can't you support 'real' issue" argument apply to that context?! 

By the same token haven't all those people got better things to care about in the world than footballers pay? Shouldn't they all be campaigning against the atrocities in Syria instead? 

Statements like these that attempt to trivialise a campaign like No More Page 3 are nothing more than pure, old fashioned sexism. 

The author of the new book  Super Man is an Arab - Jomanna Haddad's highlights this same attitude below, as she gets much criticism for her feminist views in her native Lebanon. 

"Some men ask me why I complain so much," she says. "They say to me: 'Well, at least Lebanon isn't Saudi Arabia.' But why say that? Why compare ourselves to worse countries? Why not feel inspired by countries that have gone farther in the fight for women's rights?"

I support many things some big, some small, some medium sized, No More Page 3 is one of them.  

#4 - The page 3 girls who make money from it aren't complaining so  why are you? 

Again the very premise of this argument is flawed, lets try applying the same principle to other scenario's where people get some monetary benefit from an action.

For example - Why ban drugs? Drug addicts and drug dealers aren't complaining! 

No usually it's other people that their decisions have devastating impact on, people who get mugged to pay for a junkies crack, families torn apart by a members battle with addiction. But what's the big deal the junkies and dealers aren't complaining are they!

Why stop bankers bonuses or MP expenses  - they aren't complaining about their big fat bonuses or getting their city flat funded by the tax payer!" 

Just because a person who financially benefits from an action isn't complaining, doesn't mean the thing they are doing is somehow right or ok for other people, now does it. 

My point is that just because some women choose to do something as individuals doesn't then mean that all women should automatically agree with the action and that no other women are negatively impacted by their choice. 

In addition, the issue of why women feel compelled to want to be Page 3 girls is a whole separate subject and something I touch on briefly in previous posts about Katie Price and about women in sports .


# 5 - Page 3 is the least offensive thing about The Sun 

This annoys me because it's an absolutely pointless argument made by people who actually say they don't like The Sun for other reasons anyway?!

So why bother drawing that distinction between different shite things The Sun stands for? Who benefits from that view? No-one. 

Why can't they agree and say "Yes - yet another reason why The Sun is utter rubbish". Then why don't they start a 'Shut Down The Sun' petition and I'll happily sign it. 

However, if you're to lazy to start your own campaign don't piss on someone else's.

What I draw from observing responses to the No More Page 3 campaign is the over whelming sentiment still exists;

"What are you all whining about. We 'let' you have some equality now shut up, case closed!" 

What concern's me the most is these responses aren't from some pre - historic cave man generation, this is not my granddad and his mates in the pub. 

This is modern supposed liberal minded, educated men and women, whom I'm likely to be sitting in the pub with and it scares the shit out of me that they still think this way!

Reading goop - makes me feel like goop

Here's some good news, reading my blog won't make you feel bad, insecure or inadequate. 


This cannot be said of some 'other' blogs...'Mhmmmm'....you know who you are. 


Other news today is, apparently Gwyneth Paltrow has just launched her first item of a new goop clothing line a 'perfect white tee' costing $90 in sizes 0-8. 

I'm getting increasingly fed up with celebrities or self styled 'lifestyle gurus' having blogs that seem to scream at you in husky, pussycatdoll voices;

"Dontcha wish your life was perfect like mine, dontcha wish your thighs were thin like mine, dontcha...."

Now, before I get accused of being jealous and bitchy, let me make clear I am not an irrational 'hater' of Gwynie per sae, or a mean negative type person. 


But, I'm singling out goop anyway for being the poster child for everything that perfect celebrity lifestyles represents. 


Besides, Gwynie once famously told People magazine that:

 "I think the people who are criticizing goop or criticizing the idea of it, don't really get it, because if they did, they would like it"

Erm Gwynie, I think you're totally missing something in understanding peoples criticism of goop. 


In a bid to help you with some constructive feedback, consider this, I 'get' your blog but it makes me feel bad. 

The whole concept of goop-esque blogs annoy me because behind their cheery, pastel façade, lurks a sinister sub-text which goes like this;

• I'm rich, famous and beautiful
• and have two perfect kids
• and have a perfect body
• and great career
• and can afford to do pretty much whatever I want
• and I'm going to tell you all about how great my perfect life is
• and you'll read it and think I'm super great
• and want to be just like me
• and then buy all the products I endorse so I get even richer

Truth is I find it insincere, perpetuating a myth that everything is always sunny in their worlds. 


I'd just like some honesty, not all the time just every now and again. 

I live for the day when goop's monthly newsletter lands in my inbox with the title;

'How to get skid marks out of your husbands pants!'

....Oh but then I remember she's married to the ethereal Chris Martin who probably doesn't do such things.


Yet again making me feel inadequate for being married to a skid mark in pants type man, and not having my pick of rock stars.

I've observed the following - 2 minutes of reading goop and I spiral into fits of inadequacy and self loathing that go like this; 

• My life's crappy
• I'm a bit fat
• I can't afford any of this stuff
• I'm not on the membership council of swanky private members club or ever likely to be 
• I don't have my own line of dresses, underwear, children's clothes or organic cheese...what have I been doing with my life!!
• I married skid marks in pants man!...and he's never written me a best selling song, he's obviously a rubbish husband - I must divorce him immediately!!!! 

After I wallow in the pity party for a while the feelings subside and suddenly I'm over come by a rampant wave of indignation and rage. 


Who is this person that they should make me feel like all my choices are wrong. That I'm underachieving because I'm not 100% perfect and don't have access to a life of privilege. 


I suddenly want to fight for the fact it's OK to have chubby thighs and a skid marks in pants man husband. 

Then (and this is my favourite part) I let myself engage in a wild fantasy whereby, I catch Gwynie coming out of The Arts Club in Mayfair -  filp her the bird and say; 

"Sorry, love but I'm not letting you or any other celeb guru's do this to me..... 

I'm on to you and you won't be getting $425 of this losers hard earned cash for your silly cleanse diet or perfect white tee. So you get richer whilst making me feel like utter shite about my non perfect lot in life!" 

 *High fives self and scuttles away*

Back in reality though, I do realise I am in a minority on this subject, as I read blogs all the time that reference goop as a source of 'great inspiration'. So  I obviously must be the only person on the planet who feels like this. 

Oh well, seeing as goop has millions of users and probably only two people will ever read this post, the sad thing is that Gwynie wins and has the last laugh....

as in life. 

In truth via goop it's Gwynie who is flipping the bird at me and other average, unremarkable people saying, 

“Yup see you're a loser once again!! With your rubbish blog that no-one reads, I'm GREAT and everyone wants to be me! 

Now go use that money you slaved away for, to buy my cleanse diet and bring a splash of me-ness into your tragic, drab, little life!” 

*Swoshes impossibly shinny hair and marches off * 

My day with Tracey 'A'

So in an bid to shed a few pounds I bought, read and attempted to under take The Tracey Anderson - 30 Day Method. 

Gwynie's and her ' pint sized saviour'

TA was made famous by training Gwynie, Madonna, Shakira, their friends and other rich thin people. 

They'd carry me out on a stretcher after a
work out with these pair!

Gwynie loves Tracey soooo much she is often on Oparh telling us all how fat and flabby she was until Tracey saved her. 

 So gargantuan is Gwynie's girl crush on The Anderson she's even invested in TA's gym's or 'body theatres' as they're now called.

'I am the Queen of perfection, and you are a loser!'

The 30 - Day Method is a book for £14.99 which includes a DVD. 


It opens with a foreword form her #1 fan Gwynie and motivation story form TA herself about what a great big fatty she used to after having a baby. P.S. previously, she was a dancer by profession, so not exactly a static rolly polly in the first place peeps.

The book consists of written instructions about the types of exercise you must do with the watch along video and the aptly named 'eating plan'. 

Diet - is like soooo last decade, it's not called a diet any more people.... it's called an 'eating plan'. And to eat anything from this plan you need another plan of how you are going to source and cook the damn things! 

The ahem...eating plan consists of Kale in every imaginable form - kale juice, kale soup, kale wrapped around other foods, Kale and fresh air. For those who don't know Kale is a leafy green vegetable full of iron and antioxidants. 


According to our TA, the recipe for Kale and boiled turkey soup is 'delicious'. 

[Aside to self] This lady has obviously never experienced a hot buttered crumpet on a freezing cold day, if that's her definition of delicious.

Another of the meal recipes is for a strawberry and mint salad which, it will come as no surprise consists of only, strawberries and mint. 

[Aside again] Surely mint is a garnish like say parsley, it's not a whole meal in itself!

There's a lot of that going on in this eating plan, pretending things are real food when they're blatantly not. Most of it's puréed as well like baby food. The blueberry apple sauce is another example. How can a sauce be an entire meal? 


The total calorie count of each day is...wait for it..... 700 cals a day!!! 




The equivalent of one French vanilla latte and a pain de chocolat!


The exercise programme each day includes a pilates type floor work section split into 10 day segments. Plus a dance cardio portion for which TA states;

“you really can't eat whatever you want unless you are doing more than 1 hour of cardio a day”.  

The optimum amount of reps for each move in the floor work section is 40 and some sets are on both right and left sides so that's 80 reps total. 


All in all done quickly this takes about an hour, more when you're new to the moves. So add that to your minimum 40 mins cardio a day and that's pretty much 2 hours exercise a day.Gulp! 

My first thought is; who has two hours spare per day to work out?

Taking the combined exercise and eating plan together I conclude that, there's a very logical reason why celebrities are so thin and it's not the reasons they always tell us in interviews. 


Let's site the ways celebs claim skinniness just so were all on the same page;

1. Good genes
2. Good metabolism
3. Running about after children
4. Busy running around with work

I am here to set the record straight.....it is non of the above. 


The reason celebs are twiglety waifs is they exist on 700 calories per day. 


Which means, no dairy, no wheat, no meat, definitely no booze and to top it off they do minium 2 hours of exercise every single day. 


Lets' do the maths people! The exercise burns about 1,000 cals per day.  Plus add to that the 1,000 your body burns per day just from breathing and pumping blood. So that's minus 2000 per day then add 700 cals from the eating pan, which equals a 1,300 per day calorie deficit.

How does one stay motivated to keep up this regime?  


TA knows - explaining the two hour work out per day is supposed to be 'you time' and should be 'scheduled' as a little treat to yourself each day. 


A treat is it?! I think not, certainly not my definition of a treat and I'll tell you why. 

When I did the workout for the first time, it made me sob out loud. 


Such an experience, is not a treat or my idea of 'me time' either. It's an ordeal, something you suffer through, when I finished I was physically shaking and wanted to vomit. 


Possibly the vomiting is a cunning side effect to spurn a few more calories and bring the days total down to 4. 


Maybe that's the idea of the eating plan as well, the power juice made from Kale, beetroot, spinach and apple also made me want to vomit. It should be called Tracey Anderson's 30 day vomiting method. 

This is not exercise it's levitation

Parking that, lets turn our attention to TA's talent herself - as an instructor is she any good? 

In the video, our baby oiled, shinny highness takes you through the movements effortlessly, looking smug in some kind of satin(!?) outfit. 


Whilst you are sweating and crying TA won't slow down or wait for you, no,no, no, you have to pause her all the time. 



She's just such a miserable cow, with her stoney cold glare and monotonous tone, that never alters in pitch. 

No smiling or shouting; 

"come on fatty, you can do it !"

She just pouts and dead stares at you from the screen. You see in her face that she knows she's a perfect princess and you are loser of the highest order. 




However, what was interesting was in a perverse way I found this incredibly motivating. Being fuelled by an overwhelming hatred of TA was surprisingly energising. 


I did the full 60mins cardio - Whoop - an extra kale leaf for me!

TA thinking, 'No smile for you LOSER!'

There I am in my living room (god knows what the neighbours must be thinking) lifting my legs and making grunting sex noises and I'm screaming and cursing at the TV - variations on the theme,

'Tracey you effing bitch, you mother effer, I hate you! If I ever meet you I'm gonna snap your effing 'teeny-tiny' arms off!'. 

Somehow the anger at TA channelled into my workout and I was unstoppable. I had a great work out and I got all my anger out in one swoop. 


Husband was very glad about this, as it mean't there was no anger waiting for him when he came home. 


Unfortunately, I was so physically and mentally exhausted from my day with TA - living like a celeb, there was nothing else left for him either. 


I was as miserable as TA in her video and I now understood why. All I could think about was food and the pains in my stomach and getting to sleep as quickly as possible to shut out the bread fantasies. 

Must 'schedule the time' to do this in my
living room as a' treat to myself'

Not a chat nor a quick bonk to be had that night in our house, I was like the Old Mother Hubbard of sex. 


And as I lay exhausted in my bed I thought isn't that the irony?


Being a TA disciple, I'll get my perfect toned size zero body, feel all confident and slinky and be to bloody knackered to ever have sex again! 






The terror of this prospect and of never eating cheese again mean't I only lasted 1 day on the TA 30 - Day Method. 

Here's the problem,  I'm not lazy and like to cook fresh, organic food but the eating plan is just tooooo damn convoluting. Plus, I'd have to 'schedule the time' to source and make each dish. 


This on top of the two hours a day I have to 'schedule the time' to do the work out. 


Doing the same thing at home is also mind numbing boring. Plus, having to 'prepare the area' by moving furniture, mirrors, mats and weights is a massive faff.

I'm never gonna look like this, FACT!

Wait lets do more maths people;

• Work out 2 hours
• Re-arranging furniture in living room post work out = 10mins  
• Post work-out washing/dressing/hair drying = 50mins
• Sourcing and cooking my silly eating plan = 2 hours per day
• Eating silly pretend food = 30mins
• Going to work = 8 hours 
• Commuting = 2 hours 
• Sleeping = 8 hours (daily requirement, Gwynie said on GOOP so must be true).

That's a tidy sum of 23.5 hours per day, that's without any time factored in to have a wee! 


A whole day in fact of just cooking, eating, exercising and going to work! 


I wondered, what about all the other important things I have to do in a day? 


I'm a busy lady - there's facebooking, laundry, reading, chatting to friends, cleaning, forgotten calls to mother, shouting at husband, watching crappy telly, drinking wine and so forth. 


I don't even have children - what if I had? How many hours in a day would I need then? 

Bye Tracey A...i'd say we had a lovely day
together but that would be a lie

Maybe TA's assumption is that everyone has a nanny, cleaner and a chef so that we all have enough time to ponce about doing a trillion leg lifts a day. 


That said, I'm preserving with the exercise though a few times a week, plus running and other classes, which is breaking TA's rules. 


As she states in a scary cult like tone; 

"Do not do any other form exercise, ONLY MY METHOD"

For a second opinion of The Tracey Anderson 30-Day torture & vomiting method, there's a good review by T.V. presenter Rebecca Wilcox, she actually did it for 30 days!