Reading goop - makes me feel like goop

Here's some good news, reading my blog won't make you feel bad, insecure or inadequate. 


This cannot be said of some 'other' blogs...'Mhmmmm'....you know who you are. 


Other news today is, apparently Gwyneth Paltrow has just launched her first item of a new goop clothing line a 'perfect white tee' costing $90 in sizes 0-8. 

I'm getting increasingly fed up with celebrities or self styled 'lifestyle gurus' having blogs that seem to scream at you in husky, pussycatdoll voices;

"Dontcha wish your life was perfect like mine, dontcha wish your thighs were thin like mine, dontcha...."

Now, before I get accused of being jealous and bitchy, let me make clear I am not an irrational 'hater' of Gwynie per sae, or a mean negative type person. 


But, I'm singling out goop anyway for being the poster child for everything that perfect celebrity lifestyles represents. 


Besides, Gwynie once famously told People magazine that:

 "I think the people who are criticizing goop or criticizing the idea of it, don't really get it, because if they did, they would like it"

Erm Gwynie, I think you're totally missing something in understanding peoples criticism of goop. 


In a bid to help you with some constructive feedback, consider this, I 'get' your blog but it makes me feel bad. 

The whole concept of goop-esque blogs annoy me because behind their cheery, pastel façade, lurks a sinister sub-text which goes like this;

• I'm rich, famous and beautiful
• and have two perfect kids
• and have a perfect body
• and great career
• and can afford to do pretty much whatever I want
• and I'm going to tell you all about how great my perfect life is
• and you'll read it and think I'm super great
• and want to be just like me
• and then buy all the products I endorse so I get even richer

Truth is I find it insincere, perpetuating a myth that everything is always sunny in their worlds. 


I'd just like some honesty, not all the time just every now and again. 

I live for the day when goop's monthly newsletter lands in my inbox with the title;

'How to get skid marks out of your husbands pants!'

....Oh but then I remember she's married to the ethereal Chris Martin who probably doesn't do such things.


Yet again making me feel inadequate for being married to a skid mark in pants type man, and not having my pick of rock stars.

I've observed the following - 2 minutes of reading goop and I spiral into fits of inadequacy and self loathing that go like this; 

• My life's crappy
• I'm a bit fat
• I can't afford any of this stuff
• I'm not on the membership council of swanky private members club or ever likely to be 
• I don't have my own line of dresses, underwear, children's clothes or organic cheese...what have I been doing with my life!!
• I married skid marks in pants man!...and he's never written me a best selling song, he's obviously a rubbish husband - I must divorce him immediately!!!! 

After I wallow in the pity party for a while the feelings subside and suddenly I'm over come by a rampant wave of indignation and rage. 


Who is this person that they should make me feel like all my choices are wrong. That I'm underachieving because I'm not 100% perfect and don't have access to a life of privilege. 


I suddenly want to fight for the fact it's OK to have chubby thighs and a skid marks in pants man husband. 

Then (and this is my favourite part) I let myself engage in a wild fantasy whereby, I catch Gwynie coming out of The Arts Club in Mayfair -  filp her the bird and say; 

"Sorry, love but I'm not letting you or any other celeb guru's do this to me..... 

I'm on to you and you won't be getting $425 of this losers hard earned cash for your silly cleanse diet or perfect white tee. So you get richer whilst making me feel like utter shite about my non perfect lot in life!" 

 *High fives self and scuttles away*

Back in reality though, I do realise I am in a minority on this subject, as I read blogs all the time that reference goop as a source of 'great inspiration'. So  I obviously must be the only person on the planet who feels like this. 

Oh well, seeing as goop has millions of users and probably only two people will ever read this post, the sad thing is that Gwynie wins and has the last laugh....

as in life. 

In truth via goop it's Gwynie who is flipping the bird at me and other average, unremarkable people saying, 

“Yup see you're a loser once again!! With your rubbish blog that no-one reads, I'm GREAT and everyone wants to be me! 

Now go use that money you slaved away for, to buy my cleanse diet and bring a splash of me-ness into your tragic, drab, little life!” 

*Swoshes impossibly shinny hair and marches off *